Giving Birth
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The Guide to Giving Birth for Men

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In the midst of my psilocybin mushroom taking experimentation, I’d like to talk about giving birth. Giving birth is not an easy feat. Even for men. Sure we don’t have any contractions and don’t have to push hard, but we have to manage the logistics and well-being of the mother. And this is a huge challenge in itself. Especially when it feels like a demon has come to inhabit the wife and you have to make here orange juice otherwise she’ll cast a spell on you.

Giving birth is an interesting experience. It’s unique. And every birth is different.

But first, let’s clear things out. When I talk about giving birth, I’m talking about the real deal. Not the medical assisted, painless one that requires you to lay down on a hospital bed, while high on epidural anaesthesia. That’s for the ones that have adopted the pain-free lifestyle. The glamorous life of Hollywood. Where giving birth in a building full of sick and dying people is normal. After all, life is a disease and since you are bringing a new human being on Earth you should be with the sick. That makes perfectly sense.

And if you think I’m crazy, that giving birth is dangerous, take a moment to think about how we survived this long as a species? Not 5000 years ago but 2/3 generations back when it was normal to give birth at home. Life must have been tough. Maybe you’d like some scientific evidence as well?

A large international study led by McMaster University shows that low risk pregnant women who intend to give birth at home have no increased chance of the baby’s perinatal or neonatal death compared to other low risk women who intend to give birth in a hospital.


What about the risks of a planned hospital birth?

If we consider the length of humanity, home births should be the norm. So let’s question this new practice of giving birth at the hospital, shall we? Yes, I like to ask questions.

Seventy-one percent of pregnant women get epidurals or other spinal anesthesia, according to the study, which appears online in Anesthesiology. That’s an increase of 10 percent from 2008, according to the researchers.


And things are becoming more and more extreme. Did you know that ONE THIRD of all the babies born in the USA are now born via Cesarean section…

According to the World Health Organization, this number should not be above 10-15%.

If you go to the hospital you have a 33% chance of having a C-section and a 71% chance to get an epidural.

Enough said. The stats speak for themselves. We can all see that profit-driven health companies want your babies.

I’m a man, why should I care?

Well maybe because we’re somehow part of the process of creating life and raising this newborn child.

Women need support (and orange juice)! And we need to support them. How do we do that? By planning for the birth and getting mentally prepared.

By planning, 90% of it should be mental. The logistics if you think about it is not so complicated: towels, sheets, food, water. That’s all you really need. The rest are extras.

How do you prepare for a birth?

Think about everything that could go wrong and what to do in those situations. Since, we are so detached in our society to giving births, it is best to talk and follow a training with a skilled midwife or doula. That’s what we did and it really helped. Although some exercices were kinda weird. Like having to look your wife in the eye for half an hour without saying anything. But that leaves you plenty of time to think about where you can buy oranges for the birth.

And the rest is accepting that things will be ok. Everything is figureoutable. If you have the right mindset, you’ll do just fine. Even in the middle of the jungle.

Oh and keep the stress to a minimum level. Don’t forget that you won’t feel the pain. She will. And that babies know the way out (there’s only one way really). Trust the process. Trust gravity (that is if you’re not lying in a bed with an epidural).

Now have as many babies as you wish and let’s make this world a better world until it collapses!

Final note: We didn’t have any orange juice at the birth… Only pizza. And she didn’t even eat it.

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